Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
