Capitaan dildo arrescate!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
