never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
