Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
