remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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