he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He did a backflip because drugs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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