I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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