Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
