just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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