Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
