why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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