i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
