I wish I could teleport
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
