How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
