You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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