so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.