maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
