You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
