After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
