Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
