I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
