Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
