i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
