I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
