How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
