On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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