i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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