Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
