So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
