I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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