I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
