I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
