I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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