I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
