i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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