I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
