but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize