talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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