I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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