Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
