i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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