Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
