The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
