I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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