so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
