Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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