Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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