my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
