I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
