turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
