Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
