Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize