I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
