i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
