Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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