i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
