Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
