Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
