We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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