Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
