If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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