I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
