I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
