your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
