bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
