Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
