Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
