for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
