i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
