So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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