Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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