Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
