Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
