You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
