I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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