What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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