I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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