I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
