I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize