Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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