saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
