I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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